Inner Gifts Blog


Prison, the Journey -5


Prison, the Journey to Higher Empowerment

Initially I spent twenty four hours a day in lockdown, for one year. Our walking space was 7’ by 4’. The bed was concrete, with a mattress with no padding. The blanket was thin thread bare. Sometimes the cell was ice cold. A stub pencil with a few pieces of paper were sometimes available. A small metal table bolted against the wall could be used by one  cell mate at a time. At the top of the cell above the upper bunk was a small slit called a widow. Fortunately during the year spent in almost total lockdown, my family sent me quality books to read. So days were spent with exercise in the cell, reading, and for me remaining in the mystic still silent omniscient omnipresent omnipotent guiding presence that has been shared with seekers throughout recorded history. 


This guiding presence and purpose had led me and others to traveling all the top teaching health hospitals of China, and establishing with the Chinese government an agreement of China dedicating 1000 acres of healing herbs for American integrative health. Additionally I had been able to travel to a famous Clinic in Mexico led by the author A Cure for All Cancers. From around the world others came to the charity with their own proprietary special cure all products. The ideal of combining these two east west health practices, seemed to be a synergy of gathering and separating to form a new wholly beneficial way of health. Simultaneously, some west and east practitioners want to hold on the their long held traditions. For example oncologists fought hard to promote chemotherapy and radiation for treatments of cancer, but seventy plus percent of these same oncologists would not use these same treatments on themselves or their families as first treatment.    


In reality, I never chose to actually pursue coordinating east and west medicine. I had chosen and surrendered to the Lord, without knowing the Lords entirety. In that total surrender, the Lord would have to build His way and House through me. By willingness and practice a greater purpose was being accomplished in and through me, and I through It. My maturing attitude became a reciprocity of: do and let go to Gods greater purpose, and allow what I do, to bring me in fulfillment of His Great Purpose, and me become a living element of that purpose. I was in this movement and simultaneously walking on the sands between two great moving oceans, with gyroscope-like presence. (Although I was moving, so too I was being moved seeing two great oceans seemingly move from within me and about me. Light worlds beyond the cosmic realms, mental and emotional realms, and hell realms.

                                       

Regarding the “charges”, (filing a false tax return, and sending that tax return in the mail {mail fraud}) on the one hand I knew that I was compliant with the IRS with proof, was solid with the Post Office, and had stollen no money from the charity, but simultaneously felt this deep compassion for all involved with the charity that had lost money.  Many CPA’s  who’s clients donated to the charity called me as a reference for the validity of the charities work, and the bank secured charity deposits. The charities work was in process and validated. I turned over records, and a bank contracts where deposits were protected. CPA’s and attorneys representing depositors did their own research. I attended to my portion of the charitable work dedicated to bringing East and West Medicine together to advance health here in America, and the world at large.


I had felt emboldened by this purpose. It seemed so beneficial. The fact that Major banks showed records proving the safety of deposits, and how through their back office banking activities, they would help add funds to charitable purpose, seemed at first to good to be true. Yet for years I had seen political ads where donors had matching funds available to them for a political mission with as high as a six to once match. A hundred dollar donation equaled a $600 contribution to a campaign fund. These bank representatives presented the same opportunity and used bank records and other charities as reference. Including one under the name of a former President and work that charity was doing in Hattie.  Other religious work charities were also involved. Since I was a doubter as a part of my nature, I too verified with banks and charities. 


Mainly though I was a natural health healer, not by trade, but by calling, not even by formal education. I began in that health tradition, “only because of absorption into the original light of love, and spacious grace of divinity” and recommendation of my wife, I could literally feel a healing energy flow through me. As soul and man that was immediate verification that I could be of valid assistance to those in pain. In that sense I was not really the healer. It was an enlightened energy. I knew I required a presentation for the greater healing, a mask so to speak, so I became a accredited Bowen Therapist. Technically I performed Bowen moves, but the greater healing was doing the work, and I its mere instrument.  


Previous to becoming an accredited Bowen Therapist, for years, I had helped other souls as they left their human body and transitioned into their heavenly higher body and affiliated plane. I worked with the terminally ill. So a part of the work that I was gifted and given was the awareness and knowingness that there is truly no death of Soul. I didn’t just believe this in faith, but had recall of where I was when entering my current human body, and of many past lives I had experienced through various civilizations here on earth, and various interior realms. So a part of my life was a de ja vu experience. I basically could create a charmed life, through techniques that manifested either naturally or supernaturally.  So many of us carry a knowing awareness mantle about us, through our vast experience and maturation as soul of divinity, and the One God. I could consciously co create and live in good karma. 


My journey of absorption into divine light love, grace, and mercy was more than the golden chains of good karma, leaving the lead chains of bad karma. This was more than my life as a positive thinker with positive attitude of earthly accomplishment which I had practiced with gifted human confidence. Through guidance in Christ I had died to that lifestyle. I had died on the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. My success oriented human confidence was exchanged for divine love. Then that same guidance said your journey is not over, I send you out into the heavens and earth to reveal the Fathers Purpose. A Father who had gifted through absorption the Light of Divine Love, the seeming empty eternal vastness of grace, where we are always provided. After years of living in grace, clear light mercy absorbed me. Initially It revealed to me this soul, that this universe and earth came into existence through the light of love mercy and grace of divinity. What was revealed is that Mercy gathers redeems and separates. That mercy was on high the redemption into the house that God builds, and for some is the wrath of divinity, separating and spinning off the evil back into evil realms, others into purgatorial learning, and others into maturation and completion of Soul as Divine Kingdom Way, here and hereafter.   


During this whole process of ending up here in a prison cell initially 24 hours a day lock down, with a shared toilet where cell mates would pee and crap in front of each other. Where we would keep that toilet “a flushing” out of respect for our cell mate.  Where drinking water was out of the same toilet contraption. Where we slept on a thread bare mattress on cold concrete. Where they offered prescription meds for those on meds, but no herbs for healing as I was used to taking. I had practiced as lifestyle eating lots of fresh vegetables, seeds, nuts, deep sea fish, with occasional organic chicken. That was completely gone now. 


In the evening with lights out, for a matter of three or more hours, a group of young cell mates would call out animal sounds.  It reminded me of a zoo.


For years I had known and practiced the solutions beget solutions energy field, that operated above the problems beget problems energy field. There is always a solution, and that would apply here in this physical prison too. The solutions beget energy field allowed me to know, and even co construct and be answers to all kinds of inner and outer problems.


I knew and more importantly, was “aware”, that the Lord as in Psalm 23 was guiding me, was in me. So there was peace for me on many levels. This Lord for me was revealing not just a separate being of all creation, but a state of being-ness that existed as a living reality even before this universe and earth creation. Concurrently, as a man here I was in the shared reality of imprisonment. No better or worse than any man here in prison.


One day my first cell mate, a young twenty one year old, asked me; “you seem very relaxed and peaceful; Why?”


“I live in a solutions beget energy field. If you want I will share a technique where there will always be answers to all problems of life. Where you can leave the problems beget energy forever.” “Its about energy. Do you believe that energy is in you and around you?” 


“Yes, but I have never heard of the solutions beget energy field.” 


“Would you like me to share the technique with you? It will mean if you decide to adopt this way of life; this will be the first day for the rest of a new and exciting way of life. Where all seeming problems can be converted into solutions.” 


“Let me ask you this one basic question.” I said. “If you could completely start your life all over; would you?”


With a look of hope and “yes that would be great” he began the process. In three weeks his nine year prison sentence, for selling marijuana, was converted to nine months.


All cell mates I shared this technique with shared their seemingly unsurmountable problems with me. Although the empowerment can turn you the readers life around, I will share the stories of some of the surrounding events of my cell mates and others, first.

———————


A cell mate was a young mechanic. He was picked up for using marijuana while another drug bust was occurring. He was a father with four children. His wife wanted still another child. He felt so overwhelmed that he tried to avoid even talking with her about another child. His life seemed to be on a wheel to nowhere. Go to work. Have a few drinks after work and maybe a joint before going home. Concurrently he felt consumed with anger. Was always in a bad mood. 


He did the process. He consumed it like breathing in new air. He stopped everything. Got on his bunk and step by step began the process. He asked very technical questions to get it just right for himself.


Then he went to sleep to become absorbed into in what he had just surrendered to.


The next morning he literally jumped down from the top bunk and couldn’t stop laughing. He was full of joy. All he said to me was; “I know exactly  what to do. Then he would start laughing in awe and surprise.” 


When he went to visit his wife during visiting hours, the first thing his wife said, even before he spoke, was: “Who are you?” “Why are you smiling? you never smile.” “Are you having fun in here in something?”


Then he revealed the great life in their future. Not that there wouldn’t be some problems, but there is always a solution. He told her about his experience and why he was a new man. 


Then he said; “Honey we can have another child if you want. I will be home with you and the family as often as possible. I see our future. I will be the husband and father that you deserve. I love you”


She wept. They wept.

———————


Jim came into the cell. I was at the metal table, writing.


“He just looked at me and said: “What are you doing here?” His voice was like, we knew each other.

I replied. “Do we know each other?” 

“No, but you look like some professor or minister.” “I just didn’t expect to see somebody like you.”

I then said; “welcome this can be the first day for a new and exciting life”.

“You can completely start all over.”

“I was just praying about that.” He said.

Then he told me his story.

Nine years before he and his wife and their best friends where having a celebration and drank too much. They got into a debate and he was moving his arms and accidentally hit his friends wife.


It was a large party and when the police came they also took a report on the black eye that his friends wife had. 


Later a prosecutor brought charges against him. Their best friends testified on his behalf, and charges were dropped.


Now these nine years later, officers following an old computer report error, had brought him in for this overnight stay.


Except as he later said it had to do with Gods will that he come into my cell.


When I shared the technique with him, he received it with open and willing consciousness.


The next morning he asked if he could share his experience.


He was a former Minister with a large congregation, and had quit. He and his wife had started a choir, and began the ministry.


It grew to thousands of followers. But then church politics took over and it became about collecting donation after donation. That is when he and his wife quit. 


These last five years his wife suggested he start a church. He had resisted. His wife had told him when the time was right God would provide direction. For the last five years, since leaving the congregation he lived in inner anguish. But was hesitant about trying again. He felt he had failed. He felt hollow inside. He had failed God, failed his congregation, failed himself.


That evening here in a prison cell, following the technique, he had a divine intervention, and had been lifted into what he described as a divine enlightened music so uplifting, that no choir could express. Yet; simultaneously he was encouraged to start his choir music again. The experience had  a transformational way of delivering messages through music from on high. It was like a music of divine intelligence that when heard transforms the listener in all good ways. In this transformation he was the instrument, the music and soul of the same, all at once.


He was shaking with appreciation as he told me. 


Then the prison guard came to the cell door. “Jones get your belongings. You are being processed out.”

————————

A three hundred pound Russian man came into my cell. I just got up from the treasured lower bunk, for the obvious reason that this man could not occupy the upper bunk.

He was a former chess master from Russia and taught me the basics of chess. He was now a mechanic. I shared the solutions beget solutions technique.

———————-

A very quiet man suffering and worrying about his family and their separation.


He and his family had become homeless living in a van due to betrayal of a close friend.


I shared the technique. For the next three days he said nothing, but was a in purposeful peace.


When his family came to visit, his fourteen year old daughter said: “dad your shining.” 


Then he shared how everything was going to work out, and shared the divine revelations he had received during the technique. He was suddenly in tears over the transfer of divine light. Then he said; “my cell mate shared the technique, and I have been on the edge of tears ever since. I couldn’t cry in front of the man. So I have said nothing.” 


His wife said: “share with him. I’m sure that man understands.”


His wife shared that out of nowhere a government employee called and found them a home to live in. And something else strange happened; 


“ you know the old van honey, the one that always broke down?” It broke down on the freeway. A heavy Russian mechanic, who had a difficult time getting out of his truck, stopped and fixed it for no charge, and it works like new. Something good is happening in our lives that I don’t understand.”


My cell mate said “we will say a prayer of thanks.” 


“O my God she smiled. “Miracles never cease.” The great non believer in God Prays.” Then they all laughed. The next day he was released.

I was in this county jail for about a year, and must have had thirty different cell mates

Released from Jail-4

My family had retained an attorney. I was released from county jail, and met with the attorney. He was a former prosecutor and the first thing he said to me, was to relax, he could get me six months to eighteen months in prison with probable early release. 

I was shocked. “I haven’t done anything wrong. You have not asked about what really happened.”

His response was; “everyone is guilty of something.”  

“That may be true; but I am not guilty of any of this, and why are there 37 charges?”

He said: “look just hear me out.” Then he carefully explained how prosecutors worked. Then he said: “I have already spoken with the prosecutors in this case. It will be six months to eighteen months. “My fee is $140,000 up front. There may be additional fees.” But you will not spend more that six to 18 months in prison. Probably about four to six months.

“I don't have $140,000.  I am innocent.”

He ignored. “What about your family, do they have the money.”

“I’m not having my family pay for these false charges against me. Plus I doubt they have the money.”

He then said “I’ll apply to the court and and get a Public Defender.”

While waiting to see the Public Defender, I received a call from a donor who said the Prosecutor came over and asked their cooperation in prosecuting me. They explained what I had done. 

The donor said, “he never did anything like that.”

Then they threatened the donors wife with prosecution on another matter from years before, unless the donor would agree to testify against me. The person who called me was the pastor for the church the Donor attended.

The Pastor knew me, but still had arranged to get a copy of my

FBI report. He asked me about a number of names that were on the report attached to various criminal investigations. The report dated back to the nineteen fifties. I said; I was in elementary and junior high school in the nineteen fifties.

When I was introduced to the Public Defender, and explained everything, even what the prosecutor had done; the Public Defender asked for the Prosecutors name.

I gave it to him, and he laughed. “He has done that before. There is an expression with prosecutors. They can convict a ham sandwich.”  

“What exactly does that mean?” I asked.

“You see all these thirty seven charges asked the Public Defender?”

“Well its like when you are making a ham sandwich and go to the refrigerator and cupboards and get the all the ingredients you want and make a sandwich. The ingredients are called charges which they gather from millions of statues and and codes. Then they offer that sandwich to the courts.”

“But I’m not a sandwich.”

“It’s the prosecutors job to convince you that you are a sandwich.”

“It’s my job to convince them that you are not.” Let me talk to them. Based on your past non criminal and responsible life, and what you shared with me this looks pretty simple.”

“Now this may take awhile, because I am now working on 35 other cases. The Public Defenders Office is always backed up. The truth is the Prosecutors seem to have unlimited dollars, and Public Defenders don’t. With your clean record we should have no problem getting you released on your own authority. Which means you will be free to live your life of non crime, but will have to report in weekly to Pre Trial.”     

“I brought the FBI report and IRS report which proves my innocence.” I said.

The Public Defender said; “I see that here in your report. The county jail says they can’t find either report. But we still have lots of time. Your in the system now. Everything will work out. This may take three years before your case can even be addressed.”  

About three years later the Public Defenders Office called and said they had arranged a better alternative for me, and wanted to take me off their “books”. They would set up a special very experienced outside attorney to take the case, and he already agreed to represent me. 

When I met with him, he immediately began to prosecute me. I said; “what’s going on here. I thought you were a defense attorney.”

“I am.” “I just wanted to come at you as a prosecutor.” 

“Look” I asked; are you going to defend me?”

“I am going to defend the charges against you.”

I was suspicious.

“OK” I said: explain the 37 charges against me, one by one in detail.”

“It’s Greek to me.” Stated this attorney. 

“Well what are you going to do for me.” 

He pointed to another man in the office, a detective, and said; “I have hired David Rasmussen to investigate  on your behalf.”

“I have other trials coming up, and will not get to your case for some time.”

“Have you defended cases like mine before?”

“Mainly I defend death row inmates.”

“But we will defend you completely.” “I have been doing this for twenty five years.”

He handed me numerous binders and said this is the Prosecutors discovery. Read through everything make notes

I looked at a mass of paperwork before me, and binder after binder, of pre-discovery that had been presented to the defense attorney. It sickened me. How do you explain a mass of charges that are impossible to understand. As I researched other cases, from different perspectives, it became obvious this ham sandwich thing was real. Some of the discovery did not even relate to me. Other discovery was completely made up and never occurred.

I made numerous questions on the binders. Gave them back to the attorney. “This is crazy. They have things in here that relate to other people, things that make no sense at all. I do not understand this Legal stuff. Its like a different language to me.” 

“Plus the prosecutors are contacting donors, friends, and family stating I am guilty. Asking them to testify to my poor character. My credit is being ruined, family members are saying I should confess because I will be in prison for fifty years.”

“I did not do this!” “It seems to me this case revolves around the IRS, and I am clean with them. I had an audit many years ago, and there is a recent IRS report that says I am clean. The money the charity had that was stolen by or through these banks I had nothing to do with. This money was managed by big eight accounting firms, international securities firm, other charities. I personally did not have these money’s. And this mail fraud thing I completely do not understand. Is the Post Office accusing me? As I read these reports it says the UNITED STATES is charging in this instance. Who is this UNITES STATES. Is every state charging me? Is every citizen charging me?

“Or does this just boil down to a Prosecutor? Or a Prosecutors office where men and women can say or do anything they want to in pursuit of conviction.  An Office can’t charge me. And I have done nothing personally against any of these prosecutors. It looks to me like they are gathering people against me, by telling them untrue stories.” 

The Attorney said “I will take what you said to the Prosecutors.”

He came back to me within days, just before I was going to leave the state again, and return to my health practice. “We have a trial date in three weeks?”

“A trial date?” You have prepared no defense!” I protested.

The attorney said “I have enough to defend you.”

“We have a pre trial date scheduled for Monday.”

“This is bullshit. What kind of Attorney are you?”

“We can go to the pre-trial date and you can request another attorney.” He said.

At the pre trial date the Attorney brought my family to see me and left. My family, out of fear, begged me to confess. 

My protestations was that I was Innocent and did not do this, whatever this was. I slid across the table a pile of charges. 

They continued to beg me because they were told I would spend fifty plus years in prison. 

The attorney brought in a document and reviewed a Plea Agreement. After nearly five hours of family begging I signed the plea agreement.

All the family left relieved. The Attorney left satisfied.

I immediately went into the deepest depression and crisis in consciousness. I had failed myself, I had failed God. I agreed to a lie and self condemnation. I just could not do this, and cancelled the plea agreement.

I was brought before the Judge, and the prosecutors tried to put me in a mental hospital because I was crazy not to sign their plea agreement.

The Judge sent me to a social worker who worked out of his lower middle class home.

The social worker found me fit to understand the charges. Of course I didn’t.  There are said to be millions of codes statues and regulations. 

I was sent back to the Judge, and a trial date was set for a year later. Later the Judge had a serious health problem so the trial ended up being postponed for years. I returned to my practice.

It was now eight years later. I had driven across America to come to this special session to save my mothers properties. 

What I did not know was that during my return, I was to be sentenced for a crime I never personally committed. It was a completely UNJUST justice system. I actually understood the prosecutors. They were hired hit men. Their job was to convict! Everyone, was guilty in the eyes of the court, and if not they could be made to look guilty. 

The aspect of the Justice system that shocked me, was the whole system was rigged. Defense attorneys were just as much a part of the rigged system. One former defense attorney told me, he was ashamed because all he did in his career was get plea agreements. He had entered the Justice system to truly defend clients in the vein of a Perry Mason. However he had been firmly told; “that’s not how the game is played.”

Further research revealed defense attorneys in the federal criminal system had less than a 1% “acquittal” rate. The accused rarely went to trial. They were plea bargained. Served some time, and were hung with a sign of shame around their necks, even after release.

To me it was like a denizen of hell. 

In this denizen it was not just prosecutors, defense attorneys, judges that were playing this game of fiction, so too were the banks, insurance companies, three letter agencies, and I was now to find out first hand that the entire American prison system captured the guilty, innocent, and scapegoats alike, and “charged” them for financial return and gain. Some knew this while others were simply educated into this system, as I had been.

In the past, I had worked for banks, securities companies, insurance companies, and had thought of them as solid and honest. The charity had contracts with well known institutions. The collapse of this system was occurring, and I did not know it. It was occurring as I was being sent to prison. (It began in 2007 {I was sent to prison in 2007} with a crisis in the subprime mortgage market in the United States, and developed into a full-blown international banking crisis with the collapse of the investment bank Lehman Brothers on September 15, 2008. ... The crisis was nonetheless followed by a global economic downturn, the Great Recession. [The charity and many other charities and organizations suffered loss of money] {Yet when it came time to reform these large American Banks and World Banks, they were bailed out, by politicians.} )   

As I was being led out of court in chains, I could still feel that strong steady guiding inner presence that had been with me through mostly good charmed life and very few challenging times. Through years of regular meditation I knew not to give thought to what I was going through. I said to myself “I will treat this as a sanctuary spiritual experience.” Even in this crazy unjust system I could not even blame the system, nor its purveyors. I had trusted the system, as almost all do. I was willing to blame myself, not for the charges because I was innocent, but for getting into this predicament. I had to assign my lack of knowledge of how the system worked, and put that as a solution I would pursue while I went through the prison experience. 

Concurrently;

Within each of us is a still guiding aware silence that is and moves beyond time and space. That would be my sanctuary. The Eternal Now and spacious moment beyond time and place. This sanctuary I knew through absorption contained the Light of Love, eternal gate of Grace, and Clear Light Mercy on a Soul spirit Level.  I had surrendered myself as Soul who had been around for eons, to the Lord Of Life, the One God. But never in my wildest imagination had I conceived of being thrown in prison.

Scriptures flowed through me, with each scripture stating God leads the way. God takes One thousand steps, for every step we take with Him. Psalm 23 became me. I as a man had absolutely no idea what plan lay before me in Him. None. I could only practice and learn the life of prayers fulfilled.      

Where-as before prayer had helped me personally, now I was to learn prayers beyond mere inspiration. Prayers that actually moved whole circumstances and events in a wholly beneficial way. Prayers that moved Light and energy. Prayers that could benefit all of conditioning existence.  

Thus I began a Prison Sentence. Except for me a higher story was revealing and presenting Itself through inner transformations. Simultaneously I knew that each of us had to be met where we are in His Providence and as a bottom line man, ex-marine, ex-boxer, ex-corporate executive, I had to swallow this bitter pill of the unjust and somehow see it converted into higher liberty.       

The Fall Guy-3

After the invasion by a uniformed police state. I went to the FBI office and answered all their questions. At the conclusion of the meeting they said: “just let us know if you are leaving the area.” 

I stated I was moving out of state and where I would be. I left with them a copy of all documentation that would support my innocence. After that on a weekly basis my wife and I would let the FBI know where I was.  

Daily I attended to my normal life which included, practicing natural health lifestyle, friendly, loving and healing relationships, my daily practice as a Natural Health Therapist.

Eight years later I was treating a fibromyalgia client. At the conclusion of the treatment I was leaving my private office, when I heard my name called. I turned around and a FBI agent and Sheriff officer said “You are under arrest.” “Put your hands behind your back. If you promise not to run we won’t chain your ankles.” 

“Can’t I just walk out with you. You’ve got guns. I’ve never even had a traffic ticket.” No was the stern answer.

“Where am I being taken?” 

Back to California. 

“I call the FBI once a week, if they wanted me back why didn’t they tell me. Am I being charged with something?”

“Where just responding to the Warrant. Everything will be explained to you.”

“Can I take copies of my FBI and IRS report?”

“Are they here?” Asked the FBI agent.

“They are at my condo.”

“OK, well pick them up, and I’ll hold them and return them after I read them.”

“What’s in them?” Asked the agent.

“Proof of my innocence.” I replied.

I was taken to a county jail holding facility and two days later sent on a three month diesel tour, where I was taken through some of the most dangerous and well known prisons in the UNITED STATES prison system. Known as the Federal Prison Transit System i.e. Marshall Project. It was the process of travel that is the real torture and harassment, rather than the destination. 

The various bus and con air travels were filled with as much humiliation as possible. I was chained to the violent and some mentally unbalanced men. 

The chains were locked in such a way as one had to bend forward to walk or move. One could not stand or even stretch. The lines where I was taken were long, with most often no bathroom breaks for hours. Some men peed in their orange prison jump suits. Many bathroom facilities were uncouth and smelled of urine and feces. Some had feces on the floor. Men were chained both hands and feet. Some prison guards purposely made the chains tight, where prisoners skins were chaffed and bleeding. Some Marshalls were more compassionate. We were often dragged and jerked at paces that strained the chains, and caused unnecessary pain for all of us chained. The smelly and either too hot or cold bus rides were worse than the air flights.  

Upon arrival at a prison, we would be stripped naked told to bend over touch our ankles, as the guards would explore our crevices. Most often we would be standing on cold tile, and freezing rooms.

Often we would be held in 30 to 60 men one room 120 square foot cells for hours and days. There would be one shared toilet for peeing and craping. Toilet paper was a precious commodity. The smell was one of urine, crap, and sweaty body odor. During my three month diesel tour I only was able to get four open cold showers. 

Most often chains would remain on each man.

Probably for some Marshalls it was simply a cattle drive from one location to another. We were treated no better than cattle.

The various prison facilities were I was housed for days or a week at a time, were for hardened criminals. I rarely, if ever spoke.  

When I arrived in California, I was in county jails. The two man cells had a walking space of 4 ft. By 7 ft. One shared toilet connecting to a water faucet. Sometimes they would bring in a cot and make it a three man cell. The food served during the tour, was either baloney or cheese sandwiches ,or over cooked over salted runny potatoes, and veggies. Occasionally we were served some sort of runny stew, with whatever kind of meat that was in the stew.

My first opportunity for a shower at the local county jail was ruined when I discovered crap on the floor, and showers were shut down for a week.

While in the county holding cells and throughout the diesel tour I practiced special body health exercises I had learned as a therapist. Plus I did push ups, crunches, squats, burpees and isometrics. 

Once a day we could most often get time in a quad, which sometimes had a television. The television was controlled by the few who knew the system. The programs were generally to the likes of the Kardashians.  Few  inmates took the time to exercise. I always, being the oldest “OG” (old guy) was respected, by inmates or just left alone.

Prison is very self segregated by race and gangs. My position was old guy.

One day after completing my exercise in the quad, I noticed an older, but still younger than me, black man who had been in prison for many years. I could see he had frozen shoulder. “He said it occurred three years ago due to some kind of injury.”

I said; “I have been a therapist for many years and may be able to gently unlock your shoulder.” Other younger and middle aged black men were around him, and all were suspect of a white man. But I was OG, and they listened to my description of what I would do.

So I did a therapeutic move and his shoulder slid into place. Tears came to his eyes, at the release of pain. Suddenly every black man in the quad surrounded and protected me, and said; “you can’t do this they will increase your prison time.” After that I was always protected and more respected by inmates.

I was rarely spoken to, because we had nothing in common. They were prisoners with a certain ingrained prison lifestyle consciousness and belief system, and I had lived as a therapist, family man, with home, car, entertainments, etc. Just a very normal lifestyle. Except that all of us experience challenges during our life.


The Beginning-2

It was Springtime. I was sitting on a park bench, reviewing not just my life, but the simple beauties of life. Behind me was a beautiful rose garden alive in bloom. The fragrance of renewal waifed through gentle breezes. Dogs were at play in the park. In the distance children swinging, sliding, playing hide and seek shouting joys of childhood. 

I looked down. A worm was inching its way on soft brown loam. Birds were flying, tweeting and hopping from tree to tree, bush to bush. Butterfly’s were fluttering and dancing like symphonies on air, and a sun from azure shined its radiance on my face and all equally. 

I smiled at the seeming simplicity of it all. I relaxed let every worry or concern go, and decided to just appreciate life more fully. 

Suddenly without trying or even contemplation on such a happening everything clarified, and I was absorbed and passed through the gate to eternal grace. In that eternal moment two awarenesses revealed, I was being completely started over, through this Grace.  Simultaneously, the realization that I did not earn this Grace, but I could start again and co create a lifestyle always favored by divinity, dawned. It was all so clear and empty at the same time. Emptied of all my past present and futures, into a preeminent all beneficial and loving co creative lifestyle. This realization was preeminent; before the entry into conditioning existence as cause, before the karmas of Good v.s. Evil. All life, this life and after life; east, west, north, south, twilight and dawn, daily dream life, nightly dream life, all circumstances and events met at this gyroscope like clear guiding moment. I was at the epicenter, the eye, of this, by Grace. Its like seeing with clarity all creation in operation. Not a creation born out of chaos, rather a creation birthed out of One God and Light Therefrom. Also the realization dawned, that I consciously had a co creative position within this uncalled for grace. 

I envisioned a lifestyle I was willing to be and live. It is also a cleansing dynamic, removing limitations so that the Works of divine Love could work from within me, here and hereafter.     

I left the park in pure relaxed determination of putting forth and letting the grace lifestyle vision be placed on a large vision board. At the center was placed omniscience, omnipresence, omnipotence, the scriptural descriptions of the One divine being, that could not be fully described. This was to be my presence in and as this life and any afterlife. Without technically saying the Word One God, I described the qualities of this Preeminent Being that created all and was at the core of all. Then I placed pictures of books without titles that someday I would write.  

I listed character qualities I felt were my limitations, and wrote out ultimate solutions to these perceived problems. Listed the quality and value of health, relationships, and finances that In agreed to live and be. Items of use such as computers etc. Listed places of travels, and as I was writing I edited as my lifestyle as it became reality. 

Of course with change of spiritual and personal status, circumstances and events change to the actual wholly beneficial way. 

Grace began immediately

One happening that I did not want to occur, was divorce from my wife, the mother of our children. I moved five blocks away and the children lived in both homes. I became a bachelor father. 

What did manifest was wonders in health, relationships, finances, world travel, new residences, where I was always provided the best. This grace moved beyond the positive and negative, good and evil, and actually introduced me to the harmony and balance that moves creations.

Through the years I became involved with a charitable work, that functioned through donor advised accounting, that included direction by major world banks, international securities companies, big eight accounting firm, various CPA’s, Attorneys, and other charities. Then there was the charitable works themselves. My work was to help establish the blending of East and West medicine. 

From years of working as a therapist, and specifically with men and women with terminal illness, or pain, I recognized that such things as chemo therapy, radiation, and certain prescription medication’s created serious side effects that reduced the quality of life. In some situations it actually caused early death. Additionally, it seemed the most important factor in western medicine revolved around insurance and finances.

The Eastern approach includes herbs, nutrition, and certain therapeutic exercise. My intention and those who became involved with the donor advised charitable work was to bring the the East and West together for greater over-all health benefits. 

My daughter while in her young twenties once said to me; “Dad, you live a charmed life.”   

I had good intentions and my life did seem charmed however, it is said scripturally that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. 

So here I sit, innocent, naked and handcuffed, in the midst of a raid upon my person and my properties.  

Take Down-1

After my morning workout I entered into the back bathroom, directly off the outside deck. I turned on the shower, stripped my shoes, gym shorts, and t-shirt off, jumped in the shower, scrubbed down and wrapped in a towel.  I wiped the steam from the mirror, applied shaving cream, leaned forward and began to shave.

Bang, Bang, Bang - the door shook like an earth quake had hit. There, at the door, stood a sheriff with his ID held against one of the panes of glass in the deck.  I said, let me put some underwear on. I reached for my boxers and saw another man in a bullet proof vest. He was screaming open the fucking door now or we’ll bust it down. I turned the knob, the door flew open. I was grabbed, thrown to the ground by a heavy agent while he shoved his knees into my back and handcuffed me. 

A warrant was shoved in my face, and I was dragged into the dining room and slammed down into a chair.   About 15 uniformed agents, dressed in combat gear rushed into my home.

What’s going on here? I said in an incredulous and pissed off voice.

Read the warrant! A uniformed man said as he threw paperwork on my naked legs. 

Can I take off the handcuffs, or at least one so I can hold the paper?

Officer Williams will hold it and turn pages for you, said the man in the  bullet proof vest.

I looked over the top of the paper and saw numerous agents moving about and ransacking various rooms in my home.

One of them grabbed my laptop and demanded the password

My wife who had been brought out from the bedroom, said: “There’s nothing on the computer, just personal information. 

What’s the password, came another demand.  My wife provided the password.

More questions and comments from these disrespectful and dehumanizing agents.  Are there any guns or weapons here? Are there any drugs, you had better fess up because if we find them it will be much harder on you. 

No,  was my answer to their accusations and questions.

Then with a smirk on his face, the man who had asked about weapons, grabbed a kitchen knife, held it up and said; “this is a weapon.”

Another vested man walked by and said; “too bad Johns not here, he’s missing all the fun.” I watched as they searched all the binders and books, every crevice of my house, and then threw whatever they wanted in boxes.

I was shivering even though I wasn’t cold, instead I was calm and somewhat detached inside myself, even though my body had been violated, attacked and yanked around. I sat still in just my underwear at the dinning room table.  These events only happen in the movies not in my home, I kept telling myself.

My mind wandered to a more peaceful time in my life, a time when I was on top of the world.